This past weekend was my 29^th wedding anniversary. A couple of years ago, Dale and I attended a fundraiser and “won” a trip to Blackberry Mountain in the auction. During a particularly organized week this past winter, I scheduled our trip to Blackberry Mountain for our anniversary weekend. It seemed like a really good idea at the time.

I forgot our anniversary is in August. August is notorious for bringing bad news in my life, so much so that I really would like to crawl under the covers for the entire month and have no contact with anyone. I don’t know if it would ward off the bad news, but clearly what I’m doing isn’t working.

This eighth month arrived and with it, all the sadness it has become famous for in my world. There is the big stuff – like the fire in Hawaii and the hurricane and earthquake in California. And as is typical—great personal challenges. These aren’t mine in particular but are affecting people who are dear to me.

Given all of this sadness, it didn’t feel right to be traveling to a luxurious resort for a long weekend. This dichotomy of really tough events happening while I sit next to a pool and have four course dinners didn’t seem appropriate at all. But it was our anniversary, and the cabin was reserved whether we were in it or not.

Still, I wrestled with it in my mind. The food, drinks and beautiful scenery took me out of my life and circumstances for a bit and gave me an insight. As Dale and I sat down to our last dinner, and promised ourselves, we wouldn’t overindulge (which of course we did) I shared my reconciliation of it all: what if life is a continuum?

On this continuum, what if you have extreme sadness at one end and exuberant joy at the other? You can plot how your life is going on any given day, and if your life is falling more on the joy side, well, that’s a good day. It’s worth celebrating.

I have spent time on the other side of the continuum, with true back breaking sadness I thought would never end. If you haven’t spent days and days…and days crying, so much that you really were afraid you might never stop, I am really happy for you. I have done that, and it scared the living wits out of me. I know that end of the continuum very, very well. I have been there, lived there and survived there.

This past weekend, I was not there. In my life, things are falling on the other side, the good side. I think there is a temptation to do one of two things when you are on the happier side of the life continuum. The first, at least for me, is “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Everything is going well, so I think something bad is coming, which only dilutes the joy of everything going well.

It’s as though a bad event could somehow be tempered by expecting it. It just isn’t true. Every tough time seems to take its own measure of pain, whether it is expected or not.

The other thing I do is push the envelope. Yes, life is good, but wouldn’t it be better if I had X? X is the item/experience/event I currently lack but want. It might be something silly like a purse I admired. It could be a trip somewhere or a skin serum that will make me look like I’m 20 years old.

I read a line once that I just loved: “The devil doesn’t have to take anything from you. He just has to get you to take what you already have for granted.” When I find myself in a good place in life, I am tempted to take it to another level rather than savoring the contentment available to me.

I have been working on that so much in the past few years. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want,” is a favorite prayer of mine. I find it works. My family is healthy, I have food in my kitchen, a roof over my head and clothes in my closet. I could take those four items and spend the rest of my days just being grateful for them. It takes great practice to stay in a place of contentment and gratitude in a world of muchness.

Staying in a good place when people you care about are struggling, isn’t an either/or situation. It is both/and. The empathy I feel for those who are in a difficult and dark place is real. I am deeply sorry for what they are experiencing. I have been in difficult and dark places. Today though, I am not. I am sending prayers, compassion and anything else I can think of to them while also appreciating this spot I occupy on the continuum right now. August be damned.

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