Can we suffer from money poisoning? How would we know when money stops being something we use, and instead becomes something that hurts or even poisons us?

 Money isn’t poisoning us when it pays our bills, buys groceries, gets the car fixed and puts a roof over our head. Money is in its groove when it’s doing these things. Its purpose is fulfilled.

 When life presents us with problems, and when the solution is money, and we have it, we have less problems. It’s wonderful. It’s working the way it’s supposed to work, and the partnership between ourselves and our money is brought to fruition. Like a wrench, money is a great tool.

When we don’t have enough, well then, we are stuck with our problems. We drive with bald tires, eat lots of pasta, and put off getting the sink fixed. Without the powerful tool of money, our problems persist. Can we remain in this state, with our problems and lack of money to fix them, and not be poisoned by money?

 Many of us, myself included, have had the opportunity to either be in this state or witness others who live in this state of persistent problems with no money to solve them and still be consistently happy. Maybe we are fulfilled in our lower paying jobs, or we have loving families where we enjoy each other’s company and can have a great night playing cards or watching our favorite team get a win. We could love the outdoors and create fond memories of camping under the stars.

 I don’t mean, in any way, to diminish the stress of ongoing poverty, as we know living in this state not only creates daily stress, it also affects the health of individuals. For those in this struggle, they are not poisoned by money but rather the lack thereof.

 On the flipside, many of us have been in a position to see individuals or families who seemingly have all the money in the world and are not happy. Their surface problems are smoothed because of their financial resources, but deeper problems, like depression, addiction, abuse and trauma are unaffected by their bank balances.

 We have heard money is the root of all evil, but we also know the incredibly important role it plays in each of our lives. What if money isn’t the problem but money poisoning is? Bees do a lot of good work in our environment, but bee stings can kill. Can we be just as easily poisoned by money?

 If there is such a thing as money poisoning, what might be the signs and symptoms of the sting? Below are six ways I’ve experienced or witnessed this type of poisoning.

 1. Poisoned Against Our Fellow Man

 What if we are so poisoned by money that those waiting for a bus or living in a less desirable zip code might not be quite as important as us? Granted, they might play vital roles in our lives, as construction workers, firefighters or those responsible for garbage collection, but we might feel above them on society’s ladder.

 We might assume everyone has the same skills and abilities as ourselves and should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps. That person begging at the intersection should just get a job. Yes, we are aware of the vast number of people who suffer from mental illness and addiction, but that’s life. Could it be that lack of compassion is a sign of money poisoning?

 Can we also be poisoned against those who have more than us? I can speak to this directly from my own childhood. My parents suffered from this poisoning. They objectified people with money and judged them harshly. Granted, I grew up in a small, rural town, so it was a very small pond, but there were people who were bigger fish in this small pond, and my parents didn’t like them.

 One example of this was a woman who so utterly kind and warm, it’s hard to believe anyone didn’t like her. She was married to a surgeon and well-off, so my mother didn’t. But then, she got a divorce, and then she got cancer, and it was only then that my mother could see her kindness and warmth. Her financial and health situations had changed, so my mother was no longer poisoned. She no longer objectified her as just a wealthy woman, she became a human being in my mother’s eyes.

 The inverse of this can also be true. When someone has more money than us, we might elevate this person and think they are better. We might admire and want to be close to those with more money. We might think the person who owns ten plumbing supply stores is more important than the plumber who shows up Sunday morning to stop our house from flooding.

 This form of poisoning causes us to shift our views of people. We think differently of people whether they have more or less money than us.

 2. Job Poisoning

 How many of us have been poisoned against our own employers? We entered into an agreement where our work is exchanged for a salary, but they take home more than us. We decide that more for them is less for us.  (Yes, I too have worked for people who did less and were paid more. The frustration is real.)

 No, we don’t go through the grueling process of starting our own business. We build resentment towards them, and maybe we don’t go that extra mile. We don’t give our best work. We might do the bare minimum, because we feel entitled to more than what we agreed to be paid.

 We don’t leave. Instead, we sow discord and create an unhappy workplace. We might even steal from them, as we think this somehow balances the scales.

 3. Belief System Poisoning

 Money can so poison us that we abandon our own belief system. We believe stealing is wrong, but we show up late for work and rob our employer of the time we agreed to be in our role.

 We believe we are supposed to help the poor, but we decide who is a worthy poor person and who isn’t. We might judge the people who have more than us to be intrinsically bad people. We might not have a reason to believe this, but it has to make sense somehow, right?

 We change who we are, and who we believe ourselves to be, and we act differently towards those with less or more money than ourselves. Is the ultimate act of money poisoning the changes it causes in us and our views of others? Instead of maintaining a consistent way of engaging with others, we change according to the financial condition of the people around us.

 4. Home Poisoning

 It’s self-cruelty when we allow money to poison us against our own home. We live in a nice apartment or house. It shelters us from the storm, but it isn’t as nice as our neighbor’s place. Instead of looking around and seeing all we have, we only see what is missing.

 It used to be that if I showed you around my house, I would point out all the things left to do. Then, I was walking around someone else’s house, and they were telling me all the stuff they had left to do, and I realized I was seeing their house as it was, and it looked just fine to me. I was seeing what was there, and they were seeing what was missing.

 Keeping up with the Joneses can become not only our job but our obsession. We have a nice yard, but they have a pool. We have three bedrooms, but they have four. We had a nice week at the beach, they went to Europe.

 What is that quote? “Even if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat”?

5. Poisoning Our Own Accomplishments

 Money can poison you against your own accomplishments. You are doing really well. You had more opportunities than your parents, and you took them. You did well in school. You saved money. You bought a house. You are raising a nice family. Can you relish in and enjoy these accomplishments, or do you continue to raise the bar? Is there always something just outside your reach that is preventing you from simply appreciating all you have done?

 This might be the tell-tale sign of money poisoning. Has it robbed you of feeling peace and contentment? When you were younger, you may have dreamt of the life you are leading right now, but here you are not enjoying it, because there is always something more to be had.

 When we judge ourselves according to these standards that poison us, we might think our lives don’t hold the same value as the person driving the expensive sports car or boarding the plane with the first-class passengers. Our purse might not have the correct initials, or worse, have no initials at all. Money can poison us against ourselves.

6. Poisoning Our Peace

 I had a friend whose greatest pride was three refrigerators full of food. It was just she and her husband, but she had three refrigerators full that were ready to provide every meal. No millionaire had anything on her.

 She could rest in contentment with her three refrigerators. Well, yes, she did go out and buy chicken legs when they were buy one get one free, even though she had plenty, but once she got those chicken legs, she was once again, basking in contentment.

 I have also seen the opposite. People with vast amounts of money, and still there was a restlessness, a need for more. The concept of enough was a moving target, leaving them always hungering for that next purchase.

 I have a closet full of clothes. Why do I keep shopping for clothes? We live in a capitalist society, where we receive constant messaging telling us we need more stuff. When we are in a state of poison, those messages break through our natural immune system of contentment and gratitude and tell us this one more item will complete us.

 Money is no longer a tool. It isn’t doing what it was created to do. We use it to try and fill us and complete us and make us whole. What if the antidote to this poisoning is a sense of enoughness? What is enough, and how will we know when we get there?

 I met a man who worked for a family office. This is a private wealth management firm that exists to help extraordinarily wealthy families maintain and grow their finances. He told me their “Ten by Ten Rule.” They build houses that are 10,000 sq. ft. where they spend ten days a year.

 Hearing this outrageous story has stuck in my mind and led me to write this. We think only those struggling could be hurt by money or lack thereof. But when I heard about billionaires having these 10×10 homes, I realized they too are poisoned. Enoughness is a state of being that seems outside the constraints of money.

 

Final Thoughts

 May you have enough.

May you enjoy it even just for today.

May you recognize when you are being poisoned.

And may you know the joys of playing cards, watching the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Dallas Cowboys, star gazing and laughing together.

All the things that you can’t buy and money can’t poison.